Radiant Shimmering Light by Sarah Selecky

Author:Sarah Selecky
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: HarperCollins Canada
Published: 2018-03-31T16:00:00+00:00

Me

Hi! Thinking of you!

Juliette

Hi!

Me

How are you?

Juliette

(…)

Me

I’m coming to Toronto next Friday. Time for a visit?

Juliette

Just putting the girls to bed! Yes come see me!

I wish I could just call her. Before she had the girls, we used to call each other and talk all the time. Didn’t we? Before there was texting?

I Lost My Virginity to My Meditation Instructor

By Lilian Quick

When I first told my story to my closest friends, I felt ashamed and I didn’t know why. Even now, as I write about what happened, I feel compelled to protect the name of a certain well-respected meditation instructor. I wish I didn’t. His behaviour wasn’t right. And yet, I’m still afraid to be writing these words right now, afraid to tell the truth about what happened. He’s supposed to be a teacher of integrity, guiding us to be honest with ourselves.

I feel stupid. I feel like a cliché. I feel as if the whole situation was my fault to begin with. I feel as if, in the greater scheme of things, what happened to me isn’t really that bad. I feel afraid to say anything negative about a spiritual teacher whom everyone loves so much. And I feel embarrassed, obviously.

When he put his hands on my hips, I thought I was special. As it turns out, I wasn’t.

My story is simple: a certain teacher made me feel that I was special to him. He’s handsome and smart, and I appreciated his attention. He asked me to work more closely with him during his classes. I happily did so. He flirted with me, and I liked it. I’m forty years old, single, and I was a virgin (yes, it’s true). I felt as if he’d chosen me for a reason, that I was spiritually significant.

It sounds ridiculous now. I believed him when he told me that I was fascinating. I didn’t know about his life partner, and the child they were about to have together. He didn’t tell me about the other female students who had also invited him into their beds. I was not the chosen one after all. I am one of many!

I thought I was expressing my sexual freedom. But now I see it wasn’t actually mine. It was his all along.

I know this is not a new story. There are other men: men who are our teachers, our trainers, our mentors, our employers. Men who feel entitled to us, as though we’re here for their pleasure and amusement. In one way or another, they use us, lie to us, manipulate us, violate our trust. And guess what? They’re allowed. It’s working for them. Those men are respected by their peers, publicly appreciated for their work.

We don’t talk about what they’re doing, because it doesn’t feel like we’re allowed to talk about it. What would we say? Society tells men that they’re entitled to women and tells women that we should feel lucky when we are found desirable. Like that’s the biggest prize we can win.

How do

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